Just Erotic Romance Reviews

So here we are, in the “New Age” of crystals, channeling, chatting with dear departed Aunt Minnie on live TV, and listening to anyone and everyone telling us how to lose weight. And open anyone’s email inbox at random and it will be full of spam promising us bigger breasts, longer and harder penises (often at the same time!! Aaargh!), and a pill that will make everything about ourselves and our sex lives perfect.

Yeah right.

So why is it that people prick up their ears (and other parts of their bodies) at the mention of Tantric sex? Isn’t it just another “thing”? A fad practiced only by ascetics, vegans and would-be contortionists, not to mention rock stars? People to whom “hips” are things that you make a rose-colored tea out of, and who don’t have a lump or a bulge of cellulite in the house let alone on their bodies?

I have to confess I was one of those skeptics. Someone who heard the phrase ‘Tantric sex’ and shook her head. Someone who started reading about it and immediately developed an ache in her lower back along with a cramp in her toes. Okay, so my idea of a workout is getting up to change the TV channel. I admit it, I’m a chartered, card-carrying, couch potato, and proud of it. But the prospect of endless orgasms and fabulous sex fascinated me, so I embarked upon a research project for one of my books. My goal? Learn about Tantric sex.

Please note, I didn’t say “Try Tantric Sex”. It takes two for that, and I’m not sure my hubby, the original down-to-earth type of guy, would take kindly to the concept of spiritual meditation prior to sex. I’m still working on getting him to try herbal tea. So if you’re reading this for an eye-rolling description of the pleasures of having Tantric sex, then you’d better give it up. It ain’t gonna happen.

But what I hope to do is offer a few thoughts about it – based on things I learned during my research, and encourage you to form your own opinions. Asking questions is the best way to begin.

“So, Tantric sex means I can come for hours, right?”

LOL. It depends. Tantric sex is more correctly described as ‘spiritual sex’. If you think coming is a simple orgasm, then no. No one can orgasm physically for hours. But if you drop that basic concept for a minute and think “outside the…er…box” – pardon the pun – then perhaps we can begin to grasp the ideas behind Tantric sex.

Tantric sex is closely associated with several ancient philosophical beliefs, amongst them Hindu – “Tantra” is a Sanskrit word loosely translated as “extending, spreading, putting forth” – and this notion of expanding our minds and our energies is taken into the bedroom and applied to sexual intercourse. Now for those of you who are scoffing at the notion that sex is anything other than physical – let me ask you this. Ever come in your sleep? You weren’t fucking anything then, were you? It was all in your mind. Both men and women are capable of “mental” orgasms (sure, we may be dreaming of Cameron Diaz or George Clooney at the time), but there was no physical intercourse taking place.

The idea of “mental orgasms” is closely associated with the practice of Tantric sexuality. It embraces the concept of human energy contributing to arousal, and promises a potent sexual experience that surpasses a physical orgasm because it utilizes the most important part of the body – the mind!

By focusing energies, increasing awareness, and raising the level of one’s consciousness, sexual union can transcend the immediate goal of orgasm, and become a true mating of yin and yang.

“OK. Time out. I’m supposed to turn into a meditating yogi or something? I gotta chant?”

Not at all. But Tantric practices do require some work beforehand. A willingness to expand one’s ideas of the human body, for a start. Supposing there IS an energy radiating from it? Suppose it finds a matching energy in our partner’s? After all, those of us who’ve been lucky enough to fall in love know that there’s something different about the right one… Taking the time to learn some simple techniques of relaxation and concentration are a must for would-be Tantric partners. (And they also help you restrain the urge to belt your boss at the end of a long day at the office, too!) This way, when you sit down with your significant other, you can open your minds, relax your bodies and let the process of spiritual sex begin as you accept the energies being directed your way.

From what I’ve read, THAT’S the key. Clearing and opening your mind. Allowing all unnecessary thoughts to slip away. Focusing solely upon your partner. Sensing their energies, their bodies, their thoughts, all of which are focused on you. Tantra believes that sexual energy is a divine, powerful life-force to be embraced. There are no goals…no drive to orgasm in a physical explosion. And no exhausted snoring afterwards. What there is, according to my reading, is a prolonged period of sexual and spiritual sharing when two bodies connect on levels that far exceed the basic tab A in slot B.

“So I can’t come for hours? Hell.”

Actually, a guy might not want to. Ejaculation produces sleep hormones. (Yeah girls, that explains a LOT.) In Tantric sex, a man can orgasm without ejaculation, and apparently can do so many times. His arousal is sustained, and the orgasms he experiences are not the draining physical bursts of semen, but more like waves of blissful pleasure. Waves that encourage him to relax into them, thus sustaining the physical bliss.

“And the Missus? What’s she doing while I’m blissing myself out?”

Well, she won’t be faking it for a start. The truth of the matter is that a man doesn’t “give” a woman an orgasm, no matter how talented his cock, his tongue or his fingers. Her mind “lets” her have an orgasm. With Tantric sex, a woman becomes especially receptive to the pleasures of her body, and welcomes them, thus freeing up her capacity to orgasm time and time again if she so desires. The sheer pleasure of being the sole focus of a man’s concentration is a turn-on in itself. And seeing as she has also practiced her meditation/awareness/focusing techniques, she’s able to forget about the load of laundry in the dryer, the fact that she has to mail the bills, and that little Jane needs a dentist’s appointment. Mental distraction is the quickest way to kill an orgasm stone dead. Tantric sex eliminates those distractions, making the entire experience quite different to the usual coupling.

"So maybe I should try it - how do I learn to do this stuff?”

Read, read and read some more. There’s a lot of really helpful sites on the Internet. (Beware the ones that want to sell you a complete manual, plus toys, for $49.95.) Make sure your partner is interested enough to support you as you learn, not bust a gut laughing or turn on MTV as you attempt to meditate. Buy a copy of the Kama Sutra. If nothing else, it’ll get you both hot under the collar. But by introducing the notion of spirituality into sensuality, you can start to embrace the concepts of Tantric sex. I’d recommend www.tantra.com for a start. Lots of useful information for men, women and couples, and you don’t need to shop if you don’t want to. You’ll find passages from the Kama Sutra detailing an assortment of positions (I CAN recommend The Swing<g>) along with some of the groundwork for beginners. Yes, they do include an eight-week lesson plan for a low price, but their information is so generous that if I were going to spend money, this would probably be the one I’d go for.

So, what did I learn from all this research? I learned that my preconceived ideas about sex might be a bit limiting. That there might well be something to the notion of “spiritual” sex. That it certainly deserved a place in my books. And that once the kid leaves home, I get into shape, and hubby loosens up, we might just give it a shot.

After all, there’s nothing wrong with getting my mind healthy along with my body. And the lure of those multiple orgasms is darn strong.

I’ll keep you posted.

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